How do I find the power to forgive what has been done to me? 

Matt 18:21    Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?
till seven times? KJV

It seems the question of forgiving others is not something you are alone in struggling with. Peter thought he was being magnanimous when he offered to forgive someone seven times. For some it is hard to exercise this commandment which we have received from our Lord. If what the other person has done is not too bad, we may think it is acceptable to obey what Jesus told Peter to do. Yet, when Jesus replied to Peter, He did not include the option of measuring the trespass, nor of limiting our forgiveness.

Matt 18:22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
KJV

One thing that makes what Jesus said seem so terrible is that He did not give the usual prerequisites we expect before we offer forgiveness. He did not say we were to forgive when they had apologized. Nor did Jesus say if they had not done something 'real' bad we were to forgive them. Jesus said we were to forgive them 490 times in one day. Now, I do not know about you, but I have never had anyone do me wrong 490 times. I want to teach you what forgiveness is and how to accomplish this in your life.
Unforgiveness does not affect the person who did you wrong. Unforgiveness only affects you. The physical affects of unforgiveness are shown to have negative impacts upon your health. I wonder how much sleep the people you have not forgiven are losing?

I want to teach you three things about forgiveness.

1. Forgiveness is not an emotion.
2. Forgiveness is not optional.
3. How to forgive.

1. Forgiveness is not an emotion!

Christians confuse how they feel with what they should do. Emotions are subjective and should not be part of the decision to forgive people who have wronged you. If you wait until you feel like forgiving someone, that time may never come. Some people are part of our lives and may be the source of many hurts. If we wait until they deserve forgiveness, or until we feel like forgiving them, that time may never come. I do not wait until I feel like forgiving someone. When I recognize unforgiveness in my heart I institute the principals that keep God's power flowing in my life. This allows me to depend upon supernatural power to draw strength from. The greater you were hurt, the greater the necessity of God's supernatural power enabling you to forgive.
You do not judge the status of your forgiveness with how you feel toward the person you are to forgive.
WE FORGIVE BY DECISION NOT BY FEELING!
Since forgiveness is a decision I make and not an emotion I feel, the status of my decision is not determined by the emotions I experience.
Decision - is derived from DECIDE - meaning to make a choice - it comes from Latin decidere meaning to cut; the underlying idea being to cut through a problem.
The status of my decision to forgive someone is not altered by any feelings of hurt or anger I continue to feel toward the person who wronged me.
Forgiveness is an action we take independent of their actions. I forgive others to stop the consequences of unforgiveness in my life.

2. FORGIVENESS IS NOT OPTIONAL

Mark 11:25-26
25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses KJV

God declares that we are to forgive others or He will not forgive us. The only way I can enter into Heaven is through His forgiveness. I know I will do things which are wrong. To speak plainly, I will commit sins. I do not try to do wrong, but I still ‘miss the mark’ and that is the best definition of sin, a missing of the mark. The mark being perfection. I am not perfect. I still have thoughts that I must take captive and cast down. I still have room to grow while I am here on earth. I know I will need to be forgiven for things in the future so I must keep the means to be forgiven open. When I stop forgiving others, God stops forgiving me.
Are you perfect? Have you achieved a state of perfection in your walk with Christ that enables you to never make a mistake? Of course not and you never will as long as you are here in this world. That means you will make mistakes and for them you will need forgiveness. That makes forgiveness for you necessary. Then forgiving others is mandatory for you also! No sin will enter Heaven and if you do not forgive you cannot be forgiven. Are you willing to miss Heaven and spend eternity in Hell because of what someone has done to you? Wouldn’t that be the ultimate irony. Someone hurt you, they did you wrong, they may have left you or have lied to you. Maybe they committed adultery in your marriage and you refuse to forgive them. They go to Heaven and you spend eternity in Hell because you refused to forgive them for what they did to you. That is not fair is it? You do not get Heaven because it is fair or just. You get Heaven because Jesus died for your sins and God gives you forgiveness through that trade. His righteousness for your unrighteousness. Yet when we refuse to forgive we stop that process. We refuse His righteousness and choose to stand before Him in our unrighteousness. Only through receiving forgiveness can we make the exchange. Is what they did to you so important that you rather go to hell that to forgive them? Will you allow the person who did you wrong to extend the hurt through out eternity? That is what you do when you refuse to forgive them. That choice ensures that God cannot for give you for any future mistakes in your life, thus establishing hell as your destination unless you chose to forgive them.

3. HOW TO FORGIVE

Without understanding what forgiveness is we cannot learn how to forgive.
Forgiveness is not how we feel toward another person.
Forgiveness is a decision we make and an action we take. Once we have done these two things we have forgiven what has been done.
We forgive others as God has forgiven us.

Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you .KJV

He did not forgive us by feeling, He forgave us for Christ sake. His Son paid the price for my forgiveness. Jesus also paid the price for the forgiveness of the one who has wronged you. Has someone done you so wrong that the Blood of the only begotten Son of God is not precious enough to pay for their wrong?
Many people are handicapped by their lack of understanding of what forgiveness means. Without understanding what it is they cannot know how to forgive.
Remember forgiveness is not something you feel, it is something you do.

Forgiveness is a two step process and when I do these things I have forgiven what has been done even though the feelings of anger or frustration may still be there for a  while.
1. I go to God in prayer and release them for what they have done.
I do not have to have the one who did me wrong apologize before I forgive them. Holding unforgiveness in my heart until they apologize only hurts me, not them. What if they never apologize? Many times people retain anger or resentment in their hearts long after the other person has forgotten the incident. Some people no longer remember what they are angry over. Forgiving another person means I release them from owing anything for what they have done. I grant amnesty for their action. Since I do this through prayer they are no longer guilty in Gods’ sight for doing me wrong. They owe nothing for their sin. Jesus paid for what they did. They are no longer guilty of doing me wrong. Since they are no longer guilty of doing me wrong I institute the next step


2. I begin to change the thought process I allow to take place in my mind. We use weapons God has given unto us to battle what satan has been trying to do by using our unforgiveness against us. Satan has been trying to get you to build a wall between you and the source of your power over him. When unforgiveness is allowed in our lives it separates us from God until we deal with it. Sin separates us from God until we repent.
To complete the process of forgiveness I take captive the thoughts that try to dominate my mind when I remember what the other person did to me.

2 Co 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; KJV

When memories try to come back about what they did, I take the memories captive and replace them with the action I have done. I recall going before God in prayer and declaring that I forgive them for what they did. I then give God thanks for freeing me from bitterness and anger over what they did.
This is not a process I do one time. It is not a process I will complete in a day. It may take months before all the pain is gone, but I promise you the pain will leave. As you replace the old cycle of rehearsing what they did with the new way of remembering what you chose to do, the supernatural power of God will bring healing to your emotions and start joy flowing in your life.
Listen carefully now. Your emotions will change. It takes time but the time will come when you will realize that it no longer hurts when you remember what they did.

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